Many thanks to all the lovely people who read the last post, and especially to all who commented…rather than responding to your comments individually, I thought I should make it a new post, as there were several wonderful responses…
From the readers’ comments, I picked out a general theme; It’s neither easier to love, nor to submit…
I particularly liked (or was interested in) the views expressed below…
- If a man loves his wife, it makes it easier for her to submit (Tigeress)
- Nobody is supposed to wait for the other person to do his/her part before he/she does their own part (Simeone)
- It’s not a competition in marriage, no one is trying to outdo the other, so i would say i don’t think either party has it easier or more difficult (WriteFreak)
- It’s easy for ladies to love, but hard for us to submit, and it’s easy for a man to respect, but hard for him to love (O’dee)
- Love is instinctual/instinctive, and shouldn’t take much work as it should come naturally. Submission, at least to me, is not instinctive (SSD)
- If a man truly loves you, you will have no problems submitting to him because you trust him and you know he has your best interest at heart (Bumight)
And from Naijagirl, whose comment on the Proverbs 31 Woman post, provoked this discussion;
- I came to the conclusion that love is a very huge responsibility and when push comes to shove, I would think Love is more tasking than submission…The job description for love consist of a whole bunch of things, and before you say marriage is no job, I would like to disagree and say, every relationship is a job…
- In any case, Loving and submitting are both huge responsibilities. It takes something to be able to carry out the requirements written down for love, just as it takes something to be able to submit (in every thing) to your husband. Is it any wonder why the bible chose love for men and submission for women?
My favourite response was that made by Remi, which I have re-produced in it’s entirety (without editing) below;
“Hmm, I don’t believe anyone (husband or wife) have it easier in marriage. Firstly, the business of the Husband is how to love is wife in totallity, and the business of the wife is how to love her husband in totality.
I agree with Simeone, one party should not wait for the other before they live out their purpose in the marriage. A woman should not wait for her husband to show her love before she loves him or starts or continues her role as a helper, or before she submits.
The husband should not wait for the woman to help him or for all conditions to be perfect to love her.
Both are one, so no one has it easier. It might seem so on the outside but it is not so. Whatever affects the husband, will eventually affect the wife, and the other way round too. If the wife says it is easier to submit to her husband only when He loves her, then what happens in the times she does not submit, because she cannot sense love? The husband will suffer things such as neglect, lack of feeling loved and much more. So really, none will (in such an example) have it easier than the other, in the marriage…”
Need I say more people?
Ok, I’ll just wrap this up quickly by adding that I also do not think that either husband or wife has it easier in marriage…God, the all-knowing, definitely has His reasons for assigning the major duty of love to husbands, and that of submission to wives…
Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. (Eph 5:22,25)
Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, for that is what you should do as Christians. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. (Col 3:18-19)
In the same way you wives must submit yourselves to your husbands, so that if any of them do not believe God’s word, your conduct will win them over to believe. It will not be necessary for you to say a word…(1Pe 3:1)
I read all the comments and i loved Remi’s own best too. It is well, may God help us all in our roles and make our marriages the best they can be – Amen!
Remi’s quote is the ish!
I am so familiar with those bible quotations, the way my mum always quotes it…lol, i wonder….
Nice summary to the post. Its only by the grace of God that the husband and wife are able to carry out their duties.
Great post Doyin, very balanced discussion on the topic too. I resisted commenting on the topic initially because i wanted to learn. Quick to hear…..slow to speak. However having read the fantastic contributions, I have learnt so much that I have nothing to add. Quality blog, quality visitors, quality Doyin. Pls keep it this up and going, it is sure blessing us.
Is every one doing a relationship post? Remi’s comment is fab.
nice post..
I certainly like Bumight’s comment a lot. But true talk, I wasn’t too sure that anyone had it easier and ultimately it just might be an equal task to bear. (Didn’t wanna say burden)
Nice summary!
I’m not married and that is why it took me long to say anything. I have the Holy Spirit anyway, the teacher of all truths.
I guess this marriage thing is easy for both husband or wife as long as the prerequisites are available. What is not easy is knowing and applying the prerequisites.
Thanks
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