Enhance your Marital Success…

A couple of years ago, well before I even met hubby, I listened to Olumide Emmanuel’s (a Pastor and marriage/relationship counsellor) “preparing for a successful marital future” tape.

I have observed that a reasonable proportion of my blog readers are unmarried folks, and while this post is probably more relelvant to them, I’d implore my married readers not to ignore it, for no knowledge is wasted, and it’s never too late to start/learn something…plus, you could add something (by way of comments) for us all to learn from.

This post includes notes taken from the above mentioned tape, as well as my personal views/experience, on the subject…

To enhance marital success, you need to be prepared in at least, the following areas of your life…

Spiritual;

• you need to know, understand, and accept, what the Bible (it’s the best guide ever!) says concerning marriage…don’t go by a carnal/worldly understanding…
• build and maintain a healthy spiritual life by studying God’s word, communicating regularly with God (prayer) etc…you need to be perceptive and discerning, in order not to make the wrong choice of marital partner…
• marry a wo/man (btw, that’s man or woman) who adds to, and improves you…
• destroy every potential obstacle to your marriage, through prayers, whether it lies in your past, present, or future (e.g. a bad habit, a family history of divorce, an unconfessed sin)…

Moral;

• handle your sexuality properly…I mentioned in a previous post that I married my hubby as a virgin…it wasn’t because there were no opportunities to have pre-marital sex, oh, there were…it was simply because I was morally (and spiritually) prepared NOT to…don’t do anything now, that you’d regret in future, and if you have, repent from it…I’m a christian, so I’ll say it in plain terms; DO NOT have sex before marriage…the Bible says in Heb 13:4 “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” (KJVR)…however, if you are no longer a virgin, you can still make up your mind (by His grace) to live a celibate life until marriage…
• put your negative emotions (anger, pride, etc.) under control…according to Pst. Bimbo Odukoya (of blessed memory) “Marriage is two forgivers, living together”.

Mental;

• get ready! research your role as husband/wife, and what is expected of you within the context of marriage…
• read books on marriage, listen to tapes or cds, attend marriage seminars, etc.
• study the marriages of people around you (parents, siblings, etc.); emulate/imbibe the positive characteristics you observe, and make conscious efforts not to exhibit the negatives…

Financial;

• develop a habit/culture of saving and investing…
• invest in assets, not in liabilities…(assets put money in your pocket while liabilities take money out of your pocket)
• plan and budget before spending…
• most people want a dream/flambouyant wedding, and if you CAN afford it, then why not? but, don’t waste money on the wedding; save for the marriage…I wanted a particular musician to come play at my wedding reception, but when we contacted him and he requested a fee of  3 million Naira plus 14 hotel rooms (all paid for), I re-checked my priorities; that money would be better utilized in buying us a landed property…

Physical;

• dress well and look good…most of us do this while courting, but there’s a temptation after marriage to dwell less on your looks…I sometimes say “oh, I’m not going anywhere, who’s looking at me?” and just put on some loose gown and my night cap, but then I remember; of course hubby is looking at me, and I should dress to please him, so I go put on a fitted top n jeans, brush my hair, apply a little make up, and some scent, and meet him at the door with a kiss…if you don’t dress well for him/her after marriage, they are bound to get distracted outside…
• be neat/tidy, and clean…need I say more?
• prevent/fight mouth and other odours; brush/wash regularly, use mouth freshners/minty sweets, perfumes/body sprays , etc.
• look trim and fit; not every one is born with a model’s physique, but even if you are a plus size person, you can still look smart; eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly, etc…hubby and I purchased an abs chair (an exercise equipment) a few months ago, and try to use it regularly since we don’t get to go to the gym often…work with what you have…

Social;

• please learn to cook (especially the ladies) different types of dishes, so there can be variety in your feeding…I’m not the best cook in the world, (I’m still on a learning curve) but I can at least rustle up some good food for hubby, myself, and any guests…
• learn good telephone manners, and good diction/use of the english language
• get an international passport!…be prepared for internation travel opportunities…
• ladies; learn how to “walk” (ie. good carriage), and proper sitting…
• learn to drive (haha! I’m talking to myself here…ok, so I can move a car, but not drive…lol)
• learn the proper use of cutlery; do you know that the fork should be on your left hand and the knife on your right? (just kidding, of course you know that!) do you know how to place your cutlery to signify that you are done/not done, with a meal?…you never know when it would come in handy, you may start travelling the world and dining with great people…you wouldn’t want to cause your spouse (and yourself) any embarassment because you don’t know how to use the cutlery properly…let me share a joke that Pst. Olumide shared in his tape…Sister Philo’s husband was a top executive and had gone to a business dinner with his wife. The first course was soup, with bread rolls; sister Philo had 3 bowls of soup and 4 bread rolls, totally ignoring her husband’s sign language for her not to eat so much…then, the main dish of rice was served…being filled to bursting point, sister Philo exclaimed “we still dey chop? food still remain?”, much to her husband’s chagrin…

Above, are 6 key areas (please note that this is not an exhaustive list) in which you should be prepared before venturing into the institution of marriage. However, as I mentioned earlier; it’s not too late to learn or start doing something even if you are already married…you can spice your marriage up with some improvement in these/other areas…

Do you have any other tips or key areas to be prepared in, to share with us? Feel free to do so…hit the comments link now!

Have fun as you prepare for that “big” day…

Related Posts;

• Marriage Counselling Notes…
• Creating Time for your Loved One…

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