Posts Tagged ‘couples’

Many thanks to all the lovely people who read the last post, and especially to all who commented…rather than responding to your comments individually, I thought I should make it a new post, as there were several wonderful responses…

From the readers’ comments, I picked out a general theme; It’s neither easier to love, nor to submit…

I particularly liked (or was interested in) the views expressed below…

  • If a man loves his wife, it makes it easier for her to submit (Tigeress)
  • Nobody is supposed to wait for the other person to do his/her part before he/she does their own part (Simeone)
  • It’s not a competition in marriage, no one is trying to outdo the other, so i would say i don’t think either party has it easier or more difficult (WriteFreak)
  • It’s easy for ladies to love, but hard for us to submit, and it’s easy for a man to respect, but hard for him to love (O’dee)
  • Love is instinctual/instinctive, and shouldn’t take much work as it should come naturally. Submission, at least to me, is not instinctive (SSD)
  • If a man truly loves you, you will have no problems submitting to him because you trust him and you know he has your best interest at heart (Bumight)

And from Naijagirl, whose comment on the Proverbs 31 Woman post, provoked this discussion;

  • I came to the conclusion that love is a very huge responsibility and when push comes to shove, I would think Love is more tasking than submission…The job description for love consist of a whole bunch of things, and before you say marriage is no job, I would like to disagree and say, every relationship is a job…
  • In any case, Loving and submitting are both huge responsibilities. It takes something to be able to carry out the requirements written down for love, just as it takes something to be able to submit (in every thing) to your husband. Is it any wonder why the bible chose love for men and submission for women?

My favourite response was that made by Remi, which I have re-produced in it’s entirety (without editing) below;

“Hmm, I don’t believe anyone (husband or wife) have it easier in marriage. Firstly, the business of the Husband is how to love is wife in totallity, and the business of the wife is how to love her husband in totality.

I agree with Simeone, one party should not wait for the other before they live out their purpose in the marriage. A woman should not wait for her husband to show her love before she loves him or starts or continues her role as a helper, or before she submits.

The husband should not wait for the woman to help him or for all conditions to be perfect to love her.

Both are one, so no one has it easier. It might seem so on the outside but it is not so. Whatever affects the husband, will eventually affect the wife, and the other way round too. If the wife says it is easier to submit to her husband only when He loves her, then what happens in the times she does not submit, because she cannot sense love? The husband will suffer things such as neglect, lack of feeling loved and much more. So really, none will (in such an example) have it easier than the other, in the marriage…”

Need I say more people?

Ok, I’ll just wrap this up quickly by adding that I also do not think that either husband or wife has it easier in marriage…God, the all-knowing, definitely has His reasons for assigning the major duty of love to husbands, and that of submission to wives…

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. (Eph 5:22,25)

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, for that is what you should do as Christians. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. (Col 3:18-19)

In the same way you wives must submit yourselves to your husbands, so that if any of them do not believe God’s word, your conduct will win them over to believe. It will not be necessary for you to say a word…(1Pe 3:1)

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Hi all…how are you all doing? Hope you’ve been having a lovely week…

Many thanks to all those who have visited hubby’s blog…for your love and support in different forms…we both are veeeery grateful…

Ok! I have another question/issue for you to help me with…

I once broke off a relationship (actually, we both agreed it was the best thing to do) because we were both of the genotype “AS”…and you know what the medical concern is for a couple both being AS; that there’s a 25% chance of every child being born “SS”…However, I also know of a couple who defied all warnings and got married…haven’t heard from them since, so I don’t know if they have any children yet…

What do you think about AS couples getting married? Would you marry an AS person if you were/are also AS? Why? Why not?

What is the christian perspective of this issue? To marry, or not to marry? I believe some churches encourage couples-to-be to check that their genotypes are compatible…but is there a christian point-of-view on this?

I await your responses, my lovely people…

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…whether you are already married or still at the “engaged” stage, or even in the “just-friends” stage of your relationship, it is very important to always create time for each other, time to be together…never be too busy for that special someone.

For the purpose of this post, let’s define a couple as “any two people of opposite sexes (i.e. man and woman) in a special relationship”, not only married couples.

A couple’s best asset is each other, and couple-time should therefore be included in the routine/schedule of both parties…time to play, to work, to relax, to discuss issues, to get to know each other better, etc…It is very important for a couple to consciously create time to spend together…plan your time appropriately, ensuring a realistic schedule.

Never take your career/job more seriously than your partner…always consider your partner “a prize” to be valued more highly than any other person or thing.

As a lady, if you already have kids (I prefer to call them children, kid reminds me of the young of some stubborn animal) don’t leave your husband to cleave to your children…next to your maker, more attention should be given to your husband, afterall he was, before the children came to be…also, the primary aim of marriage is companionship, the children are secondary.

For the men; women need special care and attention, and should not be treated as you would treat a fellow man…your woman is special and should be cared for as such…

Both of you should take note of important dates, i.e. birthdays, wedding/meeting anniversaries, and other key dates in each other’s lives…in my case, I am very bad not very good at remembering dates (that is, apart from hubby’s birthday and our wedding anniversary) but hubby on the other hand remembers every little date, including birthdays of distant relatives…so we complement each other…you can find other areas where one is strong and the other weak not so strong, to complement one another.

You should also consider one another’s preferences and tastes when planning activities or outings, so that no one is left feeling out of place…for example, while I am a very indoorsy type of person, hubby is very outdoorsy, so we have to make allowances for each other…I get him to enjoy being home by cooking him a nice meal/ordering a take-out, playing indoor games, eg. cards/ludo/draught, watching a movie while cuddled up together in bed or on the sofa, etc…but we still find time to go out often to the cinema, a nice chinese restaurant, or other places of interest…

If you have been good at creating time for your loved one, all well and good…please keep it up and continue to find more creative ways to spend quality time together…if on the other hand, you haven’t been doing so well at this, then now is the time…it’s never too late to create time for that special someone…and have fun doing it…enjoy!

Related Topic;

Resolving Conflict as a Couple


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A couple of days ago, I was going through my marriage counselling notes…meen, I had definitely forgotten some of the things I wrote in there. Thank God for grace. I decided to share some of these notes to remind us married couples, as well as help those who, though not married, are on their way there…

The very first topic the MOG discussed with us was Conflict Resolution.

young-couple-in-fight-on-bedCauses of conflict;

He said (and I do agree) that there is bound to be conflict in the home due to; misunderstanding, spending habits, lack of proper communication, un-met expectations, family background/up-bringing, in-laws, stubbornness, a domineering spirit, and the media. He pointed out though, that most times, the causes of conflict are within (i.e. inside the home, between the couple), not without.

Consequences of conflict;

Conflict leads to anger, bitterness, malice…and can degenerate further, eventually leading to separation or divorce (God forbids).Unresolved offense builds a fence in the home.

How to overcome conflict; (Matt 18: 15-17)

  • listen to your partner, don’t shut them out or talk them down.
  • the offended party should initiate the move for peace.
  • couples should try as much as possible to resolve the conflict between themselves, without involving 3rd parties.
  • don’t bottle-up your grievances, expose them. (hmm…that one’s for me)
  • resolve conflict/crises as they arise…otherwise, it could result into unbearable pressure, which is very dangerous.
  • telling your partner (that you are hurt) is not the issue…how you tell it, is….Prov 31: 26…act with wisdom.
  • don’t correct your spouse in front of others.
  • your spouse should be your best friend (mine is) and should know more about you than anyone else (uhmmm).

Good books to read; (I have read some)

  • Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus – John Gray
  • Opposites attract – Tim Laye
  • Light His/Her Fire – Ellen Kreidman
  • Financial Guide for young couples – Larry Bucket

I also did a blog search and I found this blog dedicated to a young lady’s journey down the aisle, and a little thereafter…it may be useful to check it out, especially for my unmarried/soon to be married peeps….

While we are on this issue of marriage, hubby and I saw a movie together…it’s  called Love, Sex, and Marriage…while its funny, and even hilarious in some parts, it’s truly enlightening, and educates us on some of the issues pertaining to love, sex, faithfulness, and trust in marriage…I particularly like it because it comes from a christian perspective…one of my favorite funny yet thought-provoking scenes, is below(the bedroom scene with Fred Amata and Kate Henshaw)…you should see the whole movie though…

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