Posts Tagged ‘funny’

1. When people see you lying down, with your eyes closed they still ask: Are you sleeping?

A: No! I’m training to die.

2. Imagine when you take an electronic equipment to a technician to get it fixed and he still asks you: Need it to be fixed?

A: No. It got bored of staying home alone so I brought it over for a ride.

3. When it’s raining and someone notices you going out, they ask: Are you going out in this rain?:

A: No, in the next one.

4. When you wake up, then comes a funny person asking you: Are you awake?

A: No. I’m sleep walking!

5. Your friend calls your home phone: Where are you?

A: At the bus stop!

6. They see you coming from the bathroom, wet: Did you just have a bath?

A: No, I fell in the toilet bowl!

7. You are standing right in front of the elevator on the ground floor and they ask: Going up?

A: No, not at all, I am waiting for my apartment to come down and get me. (My favorite!)

8. Your boyfriend comes to your house with a bunch of flowers and you still ask him: are those flowers?

A: No baby! They’re Carrots.

9. You’re on the queue to buy tickets @ the cinema, a friend sees you and asks: what are u doing here?

A: I’m here to pay my school fees!


(Source: Viral email)


Have a laughter filled weekend everyone.

Read Full Post »

Read Full Post »

I had another funny flash back yesterday.

This episode is about James, one of our numerous previous house helps, and is inspired by JideSalu‘s talk about his house help and driver (Mercy and Clement)…

James claimed he was 17, but he looked 30 to me, with his “akpu” endowed physique and the harsh strong features of his face. He was either very funny or plain stupid.

Once, my dad had asked the entire family to fast for the day. My dad’s younger brother (let’s call him YB), guessing that James probably wouldn’t know what that meant, decided to help him out. Their conversation went like this;

YB: James, Oga  say make we fast today. You know wetin that one mean? (Master says we should fast today. Do you know what that means?)

James: Yes, I know.

YB: Wetin e mean? (What does it mean?)

James: E mean say make we dey do everything fast, fast (It means we should do all our tasks as fast as possible).

Now, I guess you have an understanding of the type of person James was.

On another occasion, my mum wanted James to move a bag of beans. To make it easier, she wanted to suggest that he place the bag in an upright position first, but knowing that James wouldn’t know what “upright” means, she told him to “stand the bag”…believe it or not, James actually STOOD ON TOP OF the bag of beans.

Because James had a funny odour about him, my mum frequently asked him “You don baff?” (have you had a bath?). James then developed an annoying, yet funny habit of pouring his palm-kernel smelling body cream all over himself, as proof that he had taken his bath…he appeared from his boy quaters apartment looking so shiny (and I imagine, slippery too), like someone who had been bathed in palm oil.

Having had an experience with people like James, I can only say to JideSalu; I understand your plight…lol.

Have a fun-filled bank holiday weekend.

Read my first flash back; the gutter episode

Read Full Post »

flashbackI just had a very funny flash back…it was quite a long time ago…I must have been five or six…old enough to be wise, really.

An aunt had taken me out to see her boyfriend (now her husband and father of her 5 children)…of course, that was without my parent’s knowledge…if my mum had known, hmmm!

Anyway, we were on our way out of his photo studio when I decided to walk inside the gutter (silly, I know)…it was a dry, shallow gutter, so I was sure it was safe…at least so I thought.

It must have been the bottle of fanta I took (nothing else explains it) for I suddenly found myself in a pool of greenish mess…oh, the bacteria, fungae, amoeba, yuck!

My cry must have distracted my aunt from her lovey dovey and she screamed on seeing me in my green suit…lol…you need to have been there to see the way she yanked me out of the gutter…her yellow skin turning red with embarrassment as a small crowd gathered.

The life saver was a small public tap located very close by, where my aunt washed me up, and rushed me home…the only reason she didn’t beat me up, I’m sure, was because I would have told my parents and the whole story would have unfolded, blowing her cover…ha, ha, ha.

Read Full Post »

%d bloggers like this: