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Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

Hi all…how are you all doing? Hope you’ve been having a lovely week…

Many thanks to all those who have visited hubby’s blog…for your love and support in different forms…we both are veeeery grateful…

Ok! I have another question/issue for you to help me with…

I once broke off a relationship (actually, we both agreed it was the best thing to do) because we were both of the genotype “AS”…and you know what the medical concern is for a couple both being AS; that there’s a 25% chance of every child being born “SS”…However, I also know of a couple who defied all warnings and got married…haven’t heard from them since, so I don’t know if they have any children yet…

What do you think about AS couples getting married? Would you marry an AS person if you were/are also AS? Why? Why not?

What is the christian perspective of this issue? To marry, or not to marry? I believe some churches encourage couples-to-be to check that their genotypes are compatible…but is there a christian point-of-view on this?

I await your responses, my lovely people…

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weddingbands1A couple of years ago, well before I even met hubby, I listened to Olumide Emmanuel’s (a Pastor and marriage/relationship counsellor) “preparing for a successful marital future” tape.

I have observed that a reasonable proportion of my blog readers are unmarried folks, and while this post is probably more relelvant to them, I’d implore my married readers not to ignore it, for no knowledge is wasted, and it’s never too late to start/learn something…plus, you could add something (by way of comments) for us all to learn from.

This post includes notes taken from the above mentioned tape, as well as my personal views/experience, on the subject…

To enhance marital success, you need to be prepared in at least, the following areas of your life…

Spiritual;

  • you need to know, understand, and accept, what the Bible (it’s the best guide ever!) says concerning marriage…don’t go by a carnal/worldly understanding…
  • build and maintain a healthy spiritual life by studying God’s word, communicating regularly with God (prayer) etc…you need to be perceptive and discerning, in order not to make the wrong choice of marital partner…
  • marry a wo/man (btw, that’s man or woman) who adds to, and improves you…
  • destroy every potential obstacle to your marriage, through prayers, whether it lies in your past, present, or future (e.g. a bad habit, a family history of divorce, an unconfessed sin)…

Moral;

  • handle your sexuality properly…I mentioned in a previous post that I married my hubby as a virgin…it wasn’t because there were no opportunities to have pre-marital sex, oh, there were…it was simply because I was morally (and spiritually) prepared NOT to…don’t do anything now, that you’d regret in future, and if you have, repent from it…I’m a christian, so I’ll say it in plain terms; DO NOT have sex before marriage…the Bible says in Heb 13:4 “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” (KJVR)…however, if you are no longer a virgin, you can still make up your mind (by His grace) to live a celibate life until marriage…
  • put your negative emotions (anger, pride, etc.) under control…according to Pst. Bimbo Odukoya (of blessed memory) “Marriage is two forgivers, living together”.

Mental;

  • get ready! research your role as husband/wife, and what is expected of you within the context of marriage…
  • read books on marriage, listen to tapes or cds, attend marriage seminars, etc.
  • study the marriages of people around you (parents, siblings, etc.); emulate/imbibe the positive characteristics you observe, and make conscious efforts not to exhibit the negatives…

Financial;

  • develop a habit/culture of saving and investing…
  • invest in assets, not in liabilities…(assets put money in your pocket while liabilities take money out of your pocket)
  • plan and budget before spending…
  • most people want a dream/flambouyant wedding, and if you CAN afford it, then why not? but, don’t waste money on the wedding; save for the marriage…I wanted a particular musician to come play at my wedding reception, but when we contacted him and he requested a fee of  3 million Naira plus 14 hotel rooms (all paid for), I re-checked my priorities; that money would be better utilized in buying us a landed property…

Physical;

  • dress well and look good…most of us do this while courting, but there’s a temptation after marriage to dwell less on your looks…I sometimes say “oh, I’m not going anywhere, who’s looking at me?” and just put on some loose gown and my night cap, but then I remember; of course hubby is looking at me, and I should dress to please him, so I go put on a fitted top n jeans, brush my hair, apply a little make up, and some scent, and meet him at the door with a kiss…if you don’t dress well for him/her after marriage, they are bound to get distracted outside…
  • be neat/tidy, and clean…need I say more?
  • prevent/fight mouth and other odours; brush/wash regularly, use mouth freshners/minty sweets, perfumes/body sprays , etc.
  • look trim and fit; not every one is born with a model’s physique, but even if you are a plus size person, you can still look smart; eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly, etc…hubby and I purchased an abs chair (an exercise equipment) a few months ago, and try to use it regularly since we don’t get to go to the gym often…work with what you have…

Social;

  • please learn to cook (especially the ladies) different types of dishes, so there can be variety in your feeding…I’m not the best cook in the world, (I’m still on a learning curve) but I can at least rustle up some good food for hubby, myself, and any guests…
  • learn good telephone manners, and good diction/use of the english language
  • get an international passport!…be prepared for internation travel opportunities…
  • ladies; learn how to “walk” (ie. good carriage), and proper sitting…
  • learn to drive (haha! I’m talking to myself here…ok, so I can move a car, but not drive…lol)
  • learn the proper use of cutlery; do you know that the fork should be on your left hand and the knife on your right? (just kidding, of course you know that!) do you know how to place your cutlery to signify that you are done/not done, with a meal?…you never know when it would come in handy, you may start travelling the world and dining with great people…you wouldn’t want to cause your spouse (and yourself) any embarassment because you don’t know how to use the cutlery properly…let me share a joke that Pst. Olumide shared in his tape…Sister Philo’s husband was a top executive and had gone to a business dinner with his wife. The first course was soup, with bread rolls; sister Philo had 3 bowls of soup and 4 bread rolls, totally ignoring her husband’s sign language for her not to eat so much…then, the main dish of rice was served…being filled to bursting point, sister Philo exclaimed “we still dey chop? food still remain?”, much to her husband’s chagrin…

Above, are 6 key areas (please note that this is not an exhaustive list) in which you should be prepared before venturing into the institution of marriage. However, as I mentioned earlier; it’s not too late to learn or start doing something even if you are already married…you can spice your marriage up with some improvement in these/other areas…

Do you have any other tips or key areas to be prepared in, to share with us? Feel free to do so…hit the comments link now!

Have fun as you prepare for that “big” day…

Related Posts;

Justdoyin

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couple1

…whether you are already married or still at the “engaged” stage, or even in the “just-friends” stage of your relationship, it is very important to always create time for each other, time to be together…never be too busy for that special someone.

For the purpose of this post, let’s define a couple as “any two people of opposite sexes (i.e. man and woman) in a special relationship”, not only married couples.

A couple’s best asset is each other, and couple-time should therefore be included in the routine/schedule of both parties…time to play, to work, to relax, to discuss issues, to get to know each other better, etc…It is very important for a couple to consciously create time to spend together…plan your time appropriately, ensuring a realistic schedule.

Never take your career/job more seriously than your partner…always consider your partner “a prize” to be valued more highly than any other person or thing.

As a lady, if you already have kids (I prefer to call them children, kid reminds me of the young of some stubborn animal) don’t leave your husband to cleave to your children…next to your maker, more attention should be given to your husband, afterall he was, before the children came to be…also, the primary aim of marriage is companionship, the children are secondary.

For the men; women need special care and attention, and should not be treated as you would treat a fellow man…your woman is special and should be cared for as such…

Both of you should take note of important dates, i.e. birthdays, wedding/meeting anniversaries, and other key dates in each other’s lives…in my case, I am very bad not very good at remembering dates (that is, apart from hubby’s birthday and our wedding anniversary) but hubby on the other hand remembers every little date, including birthdays of distant relatives…so we complement each other…you can find other areas where one is strong and the other weak not so strong, to complement one another.

You should also consider one another’s preferences and tastes when planning activities or outings, so that no one is left feeling out of place…for example, while I am a very indoorsy type of person, hubby is very outdoorsy, so we have to make allowances for each other…I get him to enjoy being home by cooking him a nice meal/ordering a take-out, playing indoor games, eg. cards/ludo/draught, watching a movie while cuddled up together in bed or on the sofa, etc…but we still find time to go out often to the cinema, a nice chinese restaurant, or other places of interest…

If you have been good at creating time for your loved one, all well and good…please keep it up and continue to find more creative ways to spend quality time together…if on the other hand, you haven’t been doing so well at this, then now is the time…it’s never too late to create time for that special someone…and have fun doing it…enjoy!

Related Topic;

Resolving Conflict as a Couple

Justdoyin

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A couple of days ago, I was going through my marriage counselling notes…meen, I had definitely forgotten some of the things I wrote in there. Thank God for grace. I decided to share some of these notes to remind us married couples, as well as help those who, though not married, are on their way there…

The very first topic the MOG discussed with us was Conflict Resolution.

young-couple-in-fight-on-bedCauses of conflict;

He said (and I do agree) that there is bound to be conflict in the home due to; misunderstanding, spending habits, lack of proper communication, un-met expectations, family background/up-bringing, in-laws, stubbornness, a domineering spirit, and the media. He pointed out though, that most times, the causes of conflict are within (i.e. inside the home, between the couple), not without.

Consequences of conflict;

Conflict leads to anger, bitterness, malice…and can degenerate further, eventually leading to separation or divorce (God forbids).Unresolved offense builds a fence in the home.

How to overcome conflict; (Matt 18: 15-17)

  • listen to your partner, don’t shut them out or talk them down.
  • the offended party should initiate the move for peace.
  • couples should try as much as possible to resolve the conflict between themselves, without involving 3rd parties.
  • don’t bottle-up your grievances, expose them. (hmm…that one’s for me)
  • resolve conflict/crises as they arise…otherwise, it could result into unbearable pressure, which is very dangerous.
  • telling your partner (that you are hurt) is not the issue…how you tell it, is….Prov 31: 26…act with wisdom.
  • don’t correct your spouse in front of others.
  • your spouse should be your best friend (mine is) and should know more about you than anyone else (uhmmm).

Good books to read; (I have read some)

  • Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus – John Gray
  • Opposites attract – Tim Laye
  • Light His/Her Fire – Ellen Kreidman
  • Financial Guide for young couples – Larry Bucket

I also did a blog search and I found this blog dedicated to a young lady’s journey down the aisle, and a little thereafter…it may be useful to check it out, especially for my unmarried/soon to be married peeps….

While we are on this issue of marriage, hubby and I saw a movie together…it’s  called Love, Sex, and Marriage…while its funny, and even hilarious in some parts, it’s truly enlightening, and educates us on some of the issues pertaining to love, sex, faithfulness, and trust in marriage…I particularly like it because it comes from a christian perspective…one of my favorite funny yet thought-provoking scenes, is below(the bedroom scene with Fred Amata and Kate Henshaw)…you should see the whole movie though…

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